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STORMY ROAD TO A TRANSFORMATION

The protagonist of this story is a celebrity, but under a different name. Though holder of no office he wields considerable influence in the ruling party of the State. Some even say he is a kingmaker. His detractors never tire of pointing out that he was once a mere clerk in a ration shop in the city. He indeed was a junior clerk, and a timid one at that. One day an event occurred that would have been a knock out blow for most, but in him it had the opposite effect—it unleashed energy hidden within him.

*

Appu knew that his dream of watching a live show was not attainable. His city Chennai, the world centre for prudery, was not the place for it. He watched blue films on cassettes instead. Nithi, his wife, like most women, found blue films disgusting. Once at Appu’s request she watched for a while. ‘More like physical exercise than making love,’ she said. Appu had to agree that after a while it was boring, but did not agree that the men were all wearing rubber organs. ‘They probably smear an anaesthetic ointment,’ he said. ‘You are sick,’ she said. But Appu watched with the diligence of someone who knew that was all he would get.

Nithi worked in the accounts department in a bank. She left for work shortly after nine but her time of return varied. Often she came back late in the evening. At times when the accounts failed to tally she came very late indeed. Appu had no such problem. His shop timings were strictly nine to five.

Nithi was small made and sprightly. She was in the central office and for one as junior as she was it was indeed a tribute to her qualities that the manager had not only given her a key post in that key department but he also retained her beyond the usual tenure. Appu’s work was not that exacting. His branch of the co-operative store (he did no like to call it a ration shop) that employed him was a small one but near enough for him to walk it thus enabling Nithi to use the two-wheeler.

For the frugal life they led his salary was adequate. Nithi’s salary enabled them to enjoy some luxuries. They had no children after three years of marriage and though Appu’s mother wanted her daughter-in-law to see gynaecologists Nithi strenuously refused. ‘We’ll wait,’ she said. Appu suspected that she was on birth-control pills. She denied it when he asked her point blank, but admitted that if she took time off to have a baby at this critical phase her career prospects will suffer. But she was not averse to having sex, but not whenever Appu so desired. Her participation in it was never spontaneous or enthusiastic as those of the actresses in his favourite type of movies. But Appu dare not tell her that.

Appu was not happy about the two-wheeler that Nithi had to do every working day. It was almost an hour ride to and back and often Nithi had minor accidents. Bruised forearm and thighs and once her cheeks were somewhat swollen. These were not the usual minor injuries of falls from the scooter but Appu did not give much thought to it.

*

Nithi had never visited his shop and Appu had never been to her bank either. Appu was shy and very conscious of his lowly job. He would have felt very small if Nithi were to introduce him to her colleagues as a clerk in a ration shop, and Nithi might have liked it even less. Though he had never met her colleagues he knew they were a fun loving lot unlike the staff of his store. At least once a month Nithi went to her office in a silk sari and took makeup materials with her. It was for a party after office hours. On these days she returned late, as late 11 and once even at midnight. He was happy that his wife was enjoying herself.

He was thus surprised when one day Nithi handed him an invitation card addressed to him by name. It was from the manager of the bank inviting him to attend an office party in a hotel. Nithi said that the bank had gained an award and to celebrate they are having a grand party. Appu was uncomfortable. It was a five star hotel and he shared the general opinion of most people that to gain entry into them one had to be in full suit. Nithi assured him that she had been to such parties before and that pants and slacks was preferred wear with the manager himself setting the example.

“You have to come,” said Nithi, “or else my colleagues will think badly of me and the manager may even feel that I have slighted him.” Appu of course had no intention of letting down his wife. He agreed.

“Please introduce me to as few of your friends as possible,” he said and Nithi laughed.

On evening of the party Appu and Nithi got into an auto rickshaw, he in his Sunday best, and Nithi in a blue-green silk sari and made up like a bridesmaid. The auto rickshaw had to stop at the gates and they walked into the imposing portico. As the gigantic bell marshal opened the door one of the bank employees of the reception committee welcomed them. Nithi introduced him to some of her colleagues. Appu found them a pleasant lot. In his short speech the manager insisted that they all have a fine time. The crowd then dispersed, some moving with firm purposeful strides to the bar, and others to the tables that the generous bank had loaded with food stuffs

During the auto escort ataşehir rickshaw ride Nithi had told her husband repeatedly not to take too much of the whisky. ‘Take it dilute’ was her advice. Appu was not a drinking man, but when offered free he indulged. Appu liked the whisky. He had never tasted anything like that before. He started it dilute and as the evening wore on he took more and more and suddenly realised that he had exceeded. He moved somewhat unsteadily to the food table and nibbled some mutton-fried rice. He wanted to lie down. He moved round trying to locate Nithi but she had disappeared apparently helping in the arrangements. He sat on one of the chairs set between the drinks and the food sections. He felt like lying down or at least reclining on a sofa. Several rooms opening into the hall were marked for the bank staff. There were many bank employees in these rooms lolling about in the sofas. Appu did not want to join them. Appu searched for an unoccupied room. He found one furthest from the centre of activities and in his inebriated state did not notice that that room was not marked for them. He made for the toilet and emptied his bladder that lately had become priority number one. He looked round. He tired the sofa. He found it too yielding. He wanted to lie flat on a firm bed. The carpeted floor in that dark corner was ideal. He made his way to the corner and lay down and was soon asleep.

How long he slept he had no idea, but suddenly he was aware of voices in the room.

“I asked the hotel steward not to mark this room. No one knows that it is for our employees,” said the male voice. The woman said something that was inaudible to Appu. Appu opened his eyes. From the dark corner behind the sofa he dimly saw two persons. One was a man and the other a woman. Inside his skull something was pounding. He dozed off. Again he heard voices.

“It is absolutely safe and in a party of this size no one will notice our absence.” Clearly a man and a woman had come for lovemaking. Appu heard the squeaking of the cushions on the sofa. He did not think of revealing himself and moving out; he had not desire to kill their adventure. He decided that to pretend he was no there was the thing to do. He dozed off again. As if in a dream he had a desire to peep. A chance to see a live show was on a platter. It would be senseless to spurn it. The pounding inside his head intensified. He tried to doze off to ease the discomfort. Suddenly he woke up. What started off like a love making session had deteriorated into a fight.

“Bitch, slut,” said the male voice. He was striving to control the loudness of his voice. He heard the noise of a slap and the woman fell on the sofa cringing.

“Don’t beat me darling. I will do anything you ask me to do.” She started removing her sari and the man stood over her with his arm raised.

“Quick, your bitch,” he said as he prodded her on the thigh with his booted foot. She removed the sari and threw it on the sofa behind which Appu was hiding. One end was hanging over the armrest of the sofa and was quite close to Appu eyes. There was something familiar about that sari. It was blue-green. Appu remembered having seen a similar sari very recently. Amidst the pounding in his head he tried to recollect, but failed.

“I never cease marvelling at the size of your breasts for one so slight of build, and so soft too.” The man anger must have abated for he was talking softly. His voice was slightly slurred. Suddenly his mood changed. “How did you make it big you slut,” he demanded.

“You know how, darling. You blow it up. Please blow it some more.” She was by now quite naked. He pinched her buttock till she whimpered, and then gave a resounding slap on the buttock. She sat on the sofa opposite the one her husband was laying. The man was busy undressing. He then squatted on the carpet and taking one tit into his mouth he puffed up his cheeks and started blowing, but only succeeded in making blubbery noises.

Appu propped his head on the base of a lamp and tried to focus. With an effort he fused the double images. Though he saw only from behind he identified the man quite easily by the distinctive crouch to his back—it was the manager. Suddenly he recollected—Nithi was wearing that sari. He with an effort focussed on the naked women seated on the sofa. It was Nithi.

Appu jerked as if jolted. He tried to get up but he was bereft of power. Even moving a finger was impossible.

“You have made it bigger, darling. Now it’s my turn. Let me blow.” He stood up and she took his penis into her mouth.

“Make it big you bitch,” he ordered as he caught hold of her hair between his fingers and gave it tweak. She whimpered but continued to suck. She needed to for his penis was quite flaccid. She worked on it for a while. She pulled it out and inspected the results.

“Not big enough,” he said, “do a better job quickly for I’ll bash your face in.”

He was leaning with his hands on the backrest of the sofa and Nithi twisted her neck backwards to get the penis in her mouth.

“It is big,” she said.

“Kiss it,” and she kissed it noisily. “Now beg.”

“Fuck me darling. I cannot wait any longer, at once, darling kadıköy escort bayan at once. Please darling. I want you inside me, quickly darling.” She slipped down to the carpet and he was on her. From his ringside seat Appu could see the penis of the manager got in and out of his wife as he pumped. Soon it as over. She got up.

“Get up. Your guests may need you,” she said. Her tone was no longer of a supplicant. It sounded like an order.

He sat up and embraced her thighs.

“Darling, sorry for hurting you. The more I love you the more I want to hurt you. But now I am all right. Lie down, please. I want to make amends.” He pulled her down. Both lay naked in a close embrace and the manger was cooing to her most tenderly.

“It’s time to move out. They would miss you and may be me too.” He got up reluctantly and without caring to wash he dressed. She went to the toilet and came out and hurriedly dressed and did up her hair and applied some make up. He went to the door and peeped out. He beckoned her and she went out, and then he left.

Appu watched the whole show, but in the state of a zombie. He knew what was going on but he comprehended it not in its entirety. He was still powerless to move. He limply lay on his back paralysed both in body and mind. Power gradually returned, but his mind was still incapable of consecutive thinking.

He pinched himself. He felt pain. There was no one in that room. Yes, it was a dream. He has had dreams before of love making but not any featuring Nithi. It must be a dream he concluded. He got up. There were some flowers on the carpet in front of the sofa. It is not a dream after all. A woman had been here. He picked up two of the flowers and examined them. It was not jasmine though it was somewhat like jasmine but larger with streaks of blue on the petals. The petals were thicker too. It was not a common flower. He put them into his shirt pocket. He went into the toilet. When he pulled down his trousers he found his underwear wet, the wetness of sexual excitement. If it had really been Nithi and her manager than it was incredible shamelessness on his part to have watched it with excitement. He was confused. He went back walking unsteadily to the recreation centre and slumped on a sofa.

“Appu,” said a voice. It was Nithi’s. She was in full spirits with no trace of guilt or shame. There was no reason for her to have either emotion for after all it was clear that the relationship had been going on for sometime. “I have brought you a special dessert. I knew you wouldn’t muscle in to get yours.” She went off. Appu looked forlornly at the large bowl of ice cream, cake and nuts. It was Peach Melba, but he had not even heard of that famous dish. The more he looked at it the more he disliked it—a payment for consenting to lend her services. But again doubts assailed him. May be it was a dream and he was wronging Nithi. He looked again at the desert. He had no appetite for it. His stomach was churning. Two girls sat next to him.

“Please have this bowl; it is untouched?” he said. They hesitated, and then received it. Appu went and sat in another corner.

“Appu.” It was Nithi again. “It’s time to leave. Did you drink a lot?” He nodded.

“Was anyone rude or unpleasant?” she asked. He shook his head.

“Why then are not looking like one who has seen a ghost?” He did not reply. Nithi attributed his changed attitude to the drinks he had been having. She expected him to be his normal self the next day.

*

Appu came home and went to bed and to sleep simultaneously. When he woke up it was time for office. He heard Nithi busying herself in the kitchen. He shook his head to see if he was having a hangover. He felt his brain knock against this skull, and his limbs were stiff. And then quite suddenly the events of the previous night flooded into consciousness. The question again popped up. Was it Nithi or was it a dream. He went to the dressing table and collected some of the flowers strewn on it. He took the flowers he had put into his pocket and compared the flowers. They were the same. That did not make it certain it was Nithi, but suddenly Appu’s doubts resolved themselves. He knew what he saw was no dream. Maybe in his subconscious all the little bits of information fell into place to form a perfect picture. He doubted no more.

The human mind is a curious thing. For a man as lacking in self-esteem as Appu the shock of actually seeing his wife having sex with another man should have been the knockout blow. But it had the opposite effect on him. Never in his life had been more confident and surer of himself than he was at that moment. Suddenly he realised that he was not someone who had to be ashamed of himself. He led a honest life; he spurned offers of bribes; he seduced no man’s wife, harmed no one and did an honest day’s work for an honest day’s wages and he earned enough to keep his wife and family in reasonable comfort without his wife’s earnings. He was a man everyone should view with regard. He was not a self-respectless lump of muscle and bone like the manager or the many politicians in or out of power who were making the daily headlines. He suddenly felt powerful, a man who need not cringe escort bostancı before anyone, a man who can deal with any crisis confronting him.

His attitude towards the manager was another surprise. He did not think of him at all. As far as he was concerned that man did not exist. But the greatest surprise was his attitude towards Nithi. It was not anger; it was not disgust; it was not pity—it was an uncontrollable desire to have sex with her. He, who by any known rules of the game should have been kicking her out of the house wanted to make love to her.

He was already late for office and did not have time to ponder over his attitudes. In the office he had time to review his thoughts. He found no satisfactory answer. His curious feeling towards Nithi did not bewilder him. He knew without a doubt that when he confronted Nithi that evening a solution would present itself.

*

Appu went straight home from office prepared coffee, drank it, and awaited the arrival of Nithi. She came at her usual time and got busy preparing their supper. Since morning they had exchanged but few words.

“Are you OK Appu?”

“I am of course. If you want to know if I have a hangover I can tell you that I have not.”

“I was not thinking of any hangover.” She hesitated and then continued. “You look different today. I do not know why but in some way I am frightened.”

“Of me?”

“Yes of you. The way you are looking, staring almost, it’s frightening.”

“Fear of physical injury or is it something else.”

“I don’t know.”

“Must be the overworking of a guilty mind.”

“I have nothing to be guilty of,” she said sharply. Appu went close to her and kissed her on the lips. She turned away but he held her roughly and kissed her moistly on the lips opening his mouth wide and sucking in her lips into his mouth as he had seen the manager do. Nithi resisted for a while but then submitted with surprise. It was not like Appu to indulge in hot lovemaking.

They had supper. After Nithi had cleared the table she came and sat by his side. Appu was reading a magazine and she took another and turned the pages darting glances at her husband from time to time.

“Have any of my colleagues been telling things about me?”

“Why is there anything to tell? Why do you think they may have been talking to me?”

“You are so strangely different to day that’s why. There is nothing for them to tell, but gossip mongers can spin tales out of nothing.”

“I spoke to no one and none spoke to me. Take this from me Nithi. I am not so stupid that I will believe any cock and bull story about you. I solemnly promise that I will believe nothing that I have not seen with my own eyes. Satisfied?” Nithi nodded.

Appu caught her in a hungry embrace and kissed her.

“I am not in a mood for lovemaking today, Appu.”

“I am.” She stared at him with surprise. So far if she said she was not in a mood Appu had never questioned her. “I am. That is reason enough.”

“Not with the lights on,” she said.

“I want the lights on. That way it is more exciting.”

“The neighbours can see Appu.”

“What if?” She struggled but he peeled her nightdress off in one movement. Nithi lay naked on the sofa. She struggled for a while and then finding that he was making no impression she subsided. He fondled her and then he kissed her.

“Please Appu I do not want the lights. Neighbours can see us.”

“I want them to see us. I waited long for a live show and yesterday I got it. But the price I paid was high. I do not want the neighbours to suffer as I have suffered.”

“What’s wrong with you Appu? You are blabbering. What live show and where?”

“In that room in the hotel, Nithi. Do you want to know who the actors were? You and your boss.” She tried to get up but he pressed her down. “I was an eyewitness from start to finish. I was lying behind the sofa.”

She struggled to get up but she stopped when Appu pinched her windpipe. She screamed feebly. “If you so much as whimper that will be your end,” he said in a voice with so much menace in it that Nithi lay back sweating in terror. “Now beg me to fuck you just as you begged that manager fellow.” He paused but Nithi lay limply without uttering a sound. “Yes, start,” he said in a voice so commanding that she responded with alacrity.

“Appu darling, fuck me, your little birdie. But before that beat me, and kick me. I want you to humiliate me.”

“Relax you slut the way you did when that man came on top of you. More, a little more and now. I saw you run to the toilet and then you came out leisurely as if strolling on the beach shamelessly for him to feast on your nakedness. That man was crouching, goggling at you. He crept up and caught you by your thighs and rubbed his cheeks and rubbed and rubbed and rubbed.” Appu was in the frenzy of the orgasm. His hands encircled Nithi’s thin neck, now pressing tight till she gagged, and then rubbing, now pinching the windpipe and then smoothing it. Soon it was over. He lay on her exhausted. Nithi froze as if made of stone afraid that the slightest movement might arouse him to action. He had closed his eyes as if in sleep, and she slowly slipped free and ran to the bedroom and bolted the door. Soon the door opened slowly and Nithi peeped out through the slit. She emerged wrapped in a sari and holding a suitcase in her hand. Appu sat up and grinned. She moved slowly, eyes fixed on Appu. She moved inch by inch towards the door.

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