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Lil Side Sam 01
“[Phew, phew, phew] Sam, what are you doing then?”
“[Phew, phew, splat] Losing to you as usual, Troy.”
“[Phew, phew, boom, pow, phew] I meant, what are you doing half sitting and half leaning on the couch like you are?”
“[Phew, splat, splat] Break.”
[Game controllers placed down]
“And what kind of shorts are those and why are so much of your legs exposed and why are your legs crooked like that and why haven’t I ever noticed that you don’t have any leg hair and why is your t-shirt cut so short and why is your hair, um, fluffed forward then, hmm?”
“Do I really need to answer any of those questions, Troy, hmm? Also, by you asking those questions, then you actually answered some of my questions, so?”
“Oh, glad I could help, um, ooh, um…”
“[Quick cheek lip smack, mwah] I don’t want you for a boyfriend, Troy, but this was a test, not that we are going to review the test results together, so?”
[Thump, throb, thump, throb, thump, throb]
Hi there, I’m Sam, Lil Side Sam if you don’t mind, please and thank you and I don’t much, but I knew enough that if I leaned slightly forward from my position on the couch and raised my legs up a little bit, that I could side spin swivel on my butt and flip around and straddle Troy’s lap and end up staring into his eyes with my arms wrapped around his neck and I knew that would work perfectly because I’ve actually practiced it with a body pillow in the corner of the couch. Not that I have a lot of time on my hands, tee he.
[Lift, twist, lift, swivel, land, nailed it with a 10]
“Don’t worry, Troy, you won’t be my first kiss, although this position seems to be made for that, but listen, this might be the last time that you see me without facial makeup, so?”
[Grind, twist, throb, throb, grind, slightly hump, shift, shift, grind]
“These are jammies shorts, sometimes called beach shorts, legs come all the way out of jammies shorts, my playing position on the couch was practice, I haven’t had leg hair for a lot longer than anyone cared to notice, I like my belly, so I like small t-shirts, sometimes called crop tops and I front curled my hair sometimes, but I’ll work on a fluffy look, so?”
[Grind, twist, throb, throb, grind, slightly hump, shift, shift, grind]
“That’s enough of that, Troy. You passed the test, which means I passed the test, so?”
“[Gulp] am I going to die if and when I see you with makeup on then, Sam?”
“Lil Side Sam! And the multiple-choice answers to that test will be “die” or “pass out” or “pass” with a secret answer box of “smash” on the back of the test paper, so?”
[Grind, twist, throb, throb, grind, slightly hump, shift, shift, grind]
“SMASH, I choose smash! I choose smash right now!”
[Hump, hump, hump, bump, thump, bump, grind, grind, grind]
“Oh, maybe you will be my first kiss then, Troy!”
[Mwah, ummah, smack]
“I mean, I mean, I mean, Sam, Lil Side Sam, um, um…”
“A thong with bikini style undies over the thong, well, mostly, my, um, a thong works for me and I forgot the over bikini undies this afternoon, so?”
[Hump, hump, hump, bump, thump, bump, grind, grind, grind]
Well, I wasn’t ready for that! The bouncing, I mean. It was like he was a Bronco and I was the rider hanging on for dear life! And I don’t see why that’s not considered as sex!
“Slow down, slow down, Troy, just um, simmer down, cowboy. The test is over. All of tests have been thrown out! Everyone gets an “A” today.”
Okay, I should have added the following above. Hi, I’m Sam, Lil Side Sam, if you don’t mind, please and thank you and I’m stupid. And by stupid, I mean, I thought a gentle sliding back and forth would distract him from hump bouncing me to the ceiling!
Which I also practiced with my body pillow, I mean, maybe I did, so what? Also, it did not distract him, but it should still be considered as sex.
And I was also stupid when I fell into the moment of the lap grinding that I was performing on him by allowing my head to sink into his shoulder because that distracted me from realizing that he hadn’t reached down and under to pay me back for butt humping his boner, but rather he was unbuttoning his shorts and pushing zipper down and fishing his boner out!
Which I felt immediately. And my eyes popped open immediately! And then I feared he would pop off just inside of my jammies shorts, so I popped off of him! Quick!
[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]
Well, Troy and I had been gaming together for a long time, so, I saw him before. But not vice versa.
[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, fap]
“OMG, to bathroom, Troy! Get to the bathroom now!”
[Fap, slap, fap, slap, fap, slap, fap, slap, fap, slap, fap, slap, fap, slap, fap, slap, fap]
“Ugh, ugh, ugh, I won’t make it, Lil Side Sam! I won’t make it! Help!”
And then I was stupid to fall for that trick, which made me to fall to my knees to protect my couch and living room!
[Engulf, slurp, çorum escort whoa, gulp, geez, ug, slurp, ug, ug, ug, suck, suck, woo, gag, ugh, ugh, ooh, gag]
“Hey! You would have made it, Troy! You tricked me!”
“Tee he.”
[Realigns fluffed up hair back into position]
Well, since we were that far and all, so, it’s not like it wasn’t something that was going to happen to me or with me sooner or later and I protected my furniture and floors, so what?
[Oomph, slush, oomph, gasp, oomph, slurp, oomph, suck, oomph, gasp, gag, ooh, gag, ooh]
“Best game day ever, Lil Side Sam! Oh, oh, ooh, ooh, oops, oops!”
[Oomph, gush, gulp, oomph, gush, gulp, gag, gush, swallow, oomph, gag, ooze, gulp, drizzle, gulp]
“[Cough, ewe, cough, gulp, oh] enough, [gag, choke, ewe, couch] enough!”
And Troy agreed with me on that since he left shortly afterwards, so.
Um, also, please and thank you, a comment or two on if I can claim that as playing seven minutes in heaven would be helpful since I never had the opportunity to play that closet game before with anyone and the whole test went on for about seven so, please and thank you. Also, also, tee he, I already posted on Chang about it anyways! I mean, the game! Not the way the game was played or with who, so.
Anyways, since I lured Troy into that, I have no regrets other than not going with my facial makeup to take his facial, but that’s behind us now anyways. Also, Troy is a guy, so he didn’t care all that much, LOL. But that was the last of a makeup free face for me!
So, about me then. I’m somewhere in the middle. If you’re a normal guy, then I look up into your eyes, but just slightly, minus, minus. And if you’re a normal girl, then I will peer down into your eyes as we speak, but again, just slightly, plus, minus, plus.
I’m not trying to lose or gain weight as much as I am trying to shift things around and I would absolutely die for a better curve under my rib cage, but I have an indentation, minus, minus, plus and everything is tight, firm, fit and smooth, so I’m happy with that, I suppose and my shaved legs caught Troy’s eyes for a reason, but leg coverings outside of the house would still be the normal. Not my rule, but a popular rule on Chang, so.
And forward fluffing my hair did work, LOL, kind of. Let’s call that option two, minus, minus, plus.
And if you must know, when I wore my jammies shorts for Troy, I mean, nothing poked out, so.
So, anyways, having passed the test, I spent a month or so appearing in front of my geek friends fully dressed and once they gave me another passing grade and more than my share of hugs that they never shared with me before, well, I stepped out in public.
And received the shock of my life within like the first three minutes! And since I was in total shock, I basically just stood there in shock and amazement. Or I passed out standing up!
“Ahem, coming through, excuse me, ahem, excuse me, coming through.”
[Pieces of colorful feather bits were flaying and floating in the air]
“New person, ahem.”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] oh, I guess I’m the new person to the Strip, so, are you talking to me then, hmm?”
“I am talking to you, new person. What’s your name and how fat is your account, hmm? And I can see that your body isn’t fat, so?”
“Um, I’m Lil Side Sam and…”
“Stop! If your name is Lil Side Sam then the feathers of the heavens sent you to me already. As you can see, I have bickering problem on my hands, so?”
“Grr!”
“Grr back!”
[Bicker, bicker, bicker, bicker]
“I mean, since I don’t know anybody, well, who are you and who are those bickering girls, hmm?”
“Oh, I thought everybody knew me, asshole! I’m Peacock Penny, your new best friend and your fat wallet manager and the bickering girls in the Lil Black Jackets are the Lil Lemon Juicy crew and from my extreme right to your left, they are Lil Minnie Mimi Maye, Lil Lannie Leah Lynn, Lil Sandi Sassy Suzie and Lil Brandi Bibi Babs and on the other side of the yellow line in the middle of the Strip are the Lil White Skirts Petites and from my left and to your right, they are Lil Mar Maye, Lil Jeannie Jaye, Lil Lilly Lia and Lil Kisha Kaye and they have lost both of their sponsors and I’m looking a replacement fat wallet to fill the gap!”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] well what happened to their original sponsors then? You know, so I don’t make the same mistake then, so?”
“Oh, well, the Lil Lemon Juicy squad lost their sponsor, Bony, just last weekend when he was accused of being responsible for Jimmy J obtaining sexual release after Suzie spent a year making his balls the same deep blue as the deepest blue ocean and it’s rumored that he’s now tied up in the cargo hold of a cargo ship bound for life in the mountains of southern Argentina! All allegedly, of course, so?”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] oh, wow, that’s a rough sea cruise then, so, what about the other, the sponsor of the, çukurambar escort um, the bright daylight squad or um, so?”
“Oh, well, I personally caught Lonnie purchasing a bird hunting license, so, it’s alleged that he’s tied up in the mess hall of another cargo ship which is also headed for life in mountains of southern Argentina, all allegedly, of course, so?”
Well, who could pass that up, right?
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] I mean, Peacock Penny, it’s nice meeting you and I’m already in love with you and your colorful and spirited attitude, but to be honest, tee he, all of a sudden, it seems like a good thing that my experience level is so undersized and that I absolutely know nothing about life on the Strip! Besides, my passport is expired and I get sea sick, so, I’m going to pass tonight. But I pass, right, tee he?”
“Oh, so, Lil Side Sam, you’re just going to leave me with all these bickering hot and petites ladies then, hmm?”
“GRR!”
“GRR!”
I mean, just the bickering itself between a bunch of petite and hot Lil Ladies was worth the price of admission.
“Fine, then we won’t even bring up how you were your normal three before the bickering started or how you grew to three plus when you went into shock over eight bickering Lil Ladies or how you’re now three plus, plus since Lil Mar Maye adjusted her undies from under her white pleated skirt the hard way, Lil Side Sam! Also, I will destroy your rep on the Strip before you get a rep!”
Well, she had me there.
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] alright, alright, alright, let’s break this up! Also, hey there, um?”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] oh, I’m Lil Side Sam, so?”
“Oh, so like the natural born CEO of the Lil Midnight Mares and the Lil White Skirt crews then, cool. Would you like to grab a Frosty then, Lil Side Sam? I’m Sam to, by the way, so?”
“Oh, um, a Frosty is a little formal, so, well, maybe a malted then, Sam, hmm?”
“GRR. Your white skirts are too short!”
“GRR. Your black jackets need to be zipped up!”
Well, Sam wasn’t going to be my boyfriend, but I took the date for a malted, but more to try and figure out if he remembers that we have a 3 minutes history. But first, I mean, all that bickering had to stop! Or at least taken out of the middle of the Strip for traffic safety purposes.
“Hold please, Sam. Ahem! Lil Ladies from both sides, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but it seems to me that the objectives between the Lil Midnight Madness squad and Lil Bright Spotlight squad are like night and day and for that reason, I don’t see the point of all this bickering in the first place. And it seems to me that your common factor is how petite all of you are, which makes you a good team to take on the light and the darkness, so, tap your toes together, stop gritting your teeth at each other and create the havoc up and down the Strip with each of your individual talents and team talents and get it done as a functional team! Now, having said that, Sam, we can now have a Frosty and in a cozy booth since I’m fired up now!”
“Ahem! Fired up like a good leadership sponsor then, Lil Side Sam, hmm?”
So, what, that Peacock Penny girl just traps and pins people with their words and actions then, huh?
“[Slurp, sip] Peacock Penny won’t let this go, Lil Side Sam. And she’ll want her cut of the bird feed on the side too!”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] oh, I figured that part out already, Sam! Also, if we do this again, I mean, can we make a Smoothie next time? I do not like how the counter manager is looking at me, so?”
“[Slurp, sip] tee, he, that’s Claude, Clyde’s brother, so get used to that. And not just here. Anyways, you accepted my invitation without a lot of bickering, Lil Side Sam, so, am I just that lucky or am I missing a little something, hmm?”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] well, I suppose you deserve to know the truth, Sam, so the question is, do you me to modify my version of our history for your protection or do you want it straight and to the point then, hmm?”
“Well, that’s scary, Lil Side Sam, so, ooh, let’s hear the watered-down version then. And speak softly since Claude’s ears just perked up. His pants did too, so.”
“Sam, once upon a time, a scared beginner was desperate to understand the application of eye liner with an eye liner pencil because he really wanted to keep two eyes for his whole life, so the Court Jester begged and begged the Princess for help and support and then the Princess kept going and going until the Court Jester was basically transformed into a princess in training, which was an amazing day in my life, and then I was very, very happy, the end, so?”
“Oh, that was easy, so, cool [slurp, sip].”
“Oops, I mean, once the princess finished with her wonderful work, she asked permission to post about it on Kingdom Book and while she was all lost in all of that, well, the princess in training took the time to show çukurova escort himself out, the end.”
“[Slurp, sip] huh, this is starting to sound like something my step sister, Belinda, would do then.”
“And she did a wonderful job and taught me much about how to not stab myself in the eye, but you see, Sam, as I showing myself out, well, the prince of the castle stumbled in all “hic, hic, hic, Mary, is that you, hic, hic, hic” drunk and all, so?”
“Tee he, maybe we should shift over the truth now, Lil Side Sam, which is never the truth, so, tee he?”
“Fine, Sam, I don’t know the right words, but for like three minutes, well, you pinned me over that half wall in your family’s kitchen! Or you squished me there or you smashed me there or you absolutely humped the pants off of me Sam! Right there in the kitchen!”
“Oh, well, I was drunk and you were drunk and the delivery guy was drunk, so, is this a tee he moment then, Lil Side Sam?”
[Claude’s ears go “boing” and stuff]
“Well, Sam, it was mostly harmless and my Denim shorts helped to save the day on that, I did not push back, but since I was in a position like that, I may have propped my butt up just a little, but again, Denim ruined the day for however that might feel, so, I really only confronting you for how you have a cousin named Mary, so?”
[Claude’s ears go “boing, boing, boing” and stuff]
“Tee he, Lil Side Sam, you misheard me since I was all “hic, hic, hic” drunk and all, tee he, my cousins name is Merri, so you can see where the confusion might come from, so, Lil Side Sam, are you my boy girlfriend now?”
[Claude’s ear blows off]
“Ouch! Oops, carry on, customers.”
“No, I am not your boy girlfriend, Sam, but I thank you very much for the Frosty and for your time and for this date, but I’m done here, tootles.”
And I walked out. With my head held high! But quietly and without a lot of fanfare.
“Ahem! You handled that like a boss, boss!”
“[Cough, spit feather pieces, cough] Peacock Penny, I mean, only the part about Belinda showing me how to not poke my eye out with a pencil brush and how Sam came drunk was true and I may or may not taken a position to be pinned by myself, but he plopped down on the couch and passed out. I mean, he was mumbling about Mary and all, but I just had a safe and legally posted Frosty date, so?”
“Oh, a legal and official date that you swindled and lied for like a boss, boss!”
Well, I mean, whatever. I mean, whatever for the next seven days anyways.
“Nash, I’m sorry that I can’t schedule a mixed Lil Ladies crew for your music venue promo squad with this type of late notice, especially when the Lil Black Jackets and the Lil White Skirts have already been booked as a promo squad for the luxury car show in Hillsdale, but it meant a lot to me personally that you asked for my phone number, so, next!”
[Whisper, whisper, whisper]
“Ooh, Tre, Tre, I haven’t yet received confirmation from Lil Chocolate Creamy Carla if she will continue to pull together a crew of petites yet. She’s still mad at me for asking if her creamy chocolate swirls were just a thin t-shirt away from me. She’s also still mad at me for calling her Lil Chocolate Creamy Carla since her name is Tesha. She’s also still mad at because I lost it and poked one of her creamy chocolate swirls that were just a thin t-shirt away from me, Tre, Tre, but I’m only human!”
“Well?”
“Oh, they have a heartbeat, Tre, Tre! And then I had a purple eye, so, next!”
[Whisper, whisper, whisper]
“BRB, folks. Ogle over Peacock Penny’s tail feathers while I’m speaking with someone off to the side.
Business dealing, right?
“First of all, Lil Side Sam, if you call me Lil Lei Lys Lu one more time, than you will never find out from me personally if it’s just a myth or not that Asian pussy is sideways!”
[Whisper, whisper, whisper]
“Hmph! I’ll get a crew together and it’s the same direction as everyone else’s, so?”
{Whisper, whisper, whisper]
“Oh, I mean, my Chang account was hacked, Lil Side Sam, because I would never refer to my new money cash cow as Lil Bowl of White Rice! I mean, tee he, one petite Asian promo crew coming up for Koko’s pool party promo, pronto!”
I mean, it was actually cool how many “likes” Lil Lei Lys Lu’s post received, but I got even more when I countered her post with a selfie of me holding a bowl of white rice, in my lap and two spoons, all three strategically placed because I posted it as a nudie! And apparently, some people like my body, so.
And it doesn’t matter that if took me fifteen minutes to get the two tablespoons to fan out in just the right size and shape of a “V” to cover my nips, although the most popular comments were to let go of the spoons altogether, so, next time!
“Be Boo, you’re all set for your promo petites for your, ahh, for what the hell ever is a Mother-In-Law divorce party is and because the Lil Ladies like you, they will switch their leg garter belt colors for your party as you requested from white to black and switch back vice versa, but I don’t want that to become the normal. Next.”
“You need a break, Lil Side Sam.”
“I need a cigarette in the alley, Nathan and I don’t even smoke! Peacock Penny, can you work the big bag of money table for a while?”
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